One of the most curious moments of the Buffalo Sabres season was watching Sam Reinhart ride the bench for an entire game with no explanation beforehand. We later found out that Reinhart was punished thanks to a new team rule prohibiting anyone from being late to anything for any reason.
Today, Reinhart came out and admitted to the media that he was “five or six” minutes “late” to a “team stretch” because he “misread a text”, which sounds like an honest mistake that any of us could make.
OR IS IT?????????????
To the untrained eye, this excuse might seem plausible. But my years of watching shows like The X-Files, True Detective, and Law & Order: SUV as well as far too much time spent on Reddit to be considered healthy have trained me to dig deeper, think on another level, and search for the truth.
What follows is Reinhart’s comments to the media (cloaked in shadow) and the REAL meaning behind what was said, and unsaid (mostly said).
SR: To be honest, it was just a mistake. It was a...it was a...
Scrambling to cover your lies already, huh Samson? This is a clear sign to the TRAINED DETECTIVE that the game is a foot.
When I woke up I was sitting in my bed and misread the text and thought...it was a team stretch at 10:30, I thought it was at 11.
Team stretch, huh? Much like you’re STRETCHING the truth here? I’m on to you, 23.
I’m also struggling to know how could you possibly read the numbers “10:30” and think “11:00”? Did the text say, “Hey bro, team stretch in half an hour,” and you’re just a selective reader? Does Bylsma send the day’s schedule in GMT and you translated it wrong? Was the text sent using a clock emoji and you just couldn’t read the hands? Working on multiple theories here.
I was just sitting in my bed, waiting to go down to breakfast.
When you Google “Continental Breakfast Times”, this TripAdvisor link says that the breakfast ends at 10:30, and everyone knows that Advisors can’t lie, or else they wouldn’t be trusted to give you advise. And 10:30 was when you were “supposedly” still sitting in bed...THE TIMELINES DON’T ADD UP.
Then Caber [Jake McCabe] called me, obviously a good team guy.
If he was that good a guy he would’ve invited you to breakfast with everyone else an hour ago. Like when your friend texts you saying, “Hey, forgot to send you this earlier, but we’re all out at the bar for a bit if you can make it!” And then you show up 20 minutes later and everyone’s gone. And no, this has never happened to me.
I think I was five or six minutes late, so, it’s a tough one to swallow.
A tough one to...swallow? What could Sam have been eating...at 10:30...when he missed breakfast with everyone else?
This argument rings hollow to me...which would make Reinhart a Hollow Man...which was a movie starring Kevin Bacon...which is the greatest breakfast food of all time OH MY GOD YOU GUYS.
Reinhart skipped the team stretch to eat breakfast...in bed...while watching Kevin Bacon movies.
The truth is out there, you just have to look hard enough. Wake up, sheeple.