Buffalo, NY--The latest in a line of rebuild-focused trades, the Buffalo Sabres have traded the Sabre nickname and their traditional crossed swords logo to Seattle for their 1st Round Pick from some year in the future.
Seattle may get a team at some point and we don't have their 1st round pick, remarked GM Tim Murray, we need one from every team, current, future and past, I'm calling Hartford in the afternoon, just putting out feelers.
If the rumors of expansion are true, this is a big trade for Seattle, the Sabres name gives Seattle instant name recognition and it is alliterative which is always money. Seattle's former NHL team was called the Metropolitans, but Seattle wanted to avoid being associated with the Mets. Seattle also get's Sabretooth in the deal, who was pulled out of practice this morning and sent immediately to Seattle. Until the team actually arrives, he will stay sharp by rappeling down the space needle and serving in the Seattle Sounders kids zone during MLS season.
The former Buffalo Sabres will now be know as The Buffalo Hockey team. The team will use the wildly unpopular goat head black and red jerseys for the remainder of the year, which Buffalo officials feel fits in with the Ted Nolan throwback vibe of the 2013-14 season.
Next year the Buffalo Hockey Team will create a blue and gold version of the goat head jersey but will not use the seemingly perfect for this retro Buffalo 40th year sweater worn as the 3rd jersey from 2010-2012. Though wildly popular, it would be a disservice to fans to allow them to buy that jersey with a random assortment of player names stitched on the back, GM Murray explained, we need to go forward with a jersey you won't really mind throwing in the back of the closet when the player on the back is traded away during the fire sale of 2016.
In the meantime, the Buffalo Hockey Team expects Seattle to become a team no later than 2020, which means another extra first round pick some time this decade. As a result, Murray has begun sending scouts to Ontario area middle schools. "The next Sidney Crosby is somewhere, I don't care if we have to rebuild until Sidney Crosby Jr. is draft eligible, we will have the next Sidney Crosby."
The preceding article was obviously satire, happy trade deadline.