Yesterday, we introduced the cast for our dramatic prediction of the 2010-11 season based on the movie Major League. After the break we have Act I, much of which we've already experienced as Sabres fans. Read on!
Taste of winning is a start for the Sabres - The Buffalo News
Obviously, it was fun to finally win Saturday night, and they reacted as such. But as they return to practice today following a day of rest, one simple fact remains. They still have a lot of work to do to be considered a good team.
Jonas Enroth’s Buffalo Sabres Mask by Daveart.com | In Goal Magazine
Here's some nice pics of Enroth's mask if you're interested.
Measuring The Impact Of Special Teams - Pension Plan Puppets
How important are special teams to a team's chances of making the playoffs? About as important as you'd expect. In the words of Lucille Bluth before eating at Kilmpy's restaurant: "This does not bode well."
Five Things: Coaching hot seat, Kings' strong start - ESPN
Here's a list of the decent coaches looking for work. If Ruff were to get fired, would you want any of these guys?
Torres, Garon and Halak top week's 'Three Stars' - NHL.com
Torres, Garon and Halak top week's 'Three Stars'. Thanks Raffi.
White still bothered by flu; MacLean hoping Brodeur’s elbow continues to improve - Fire & Ice
Martin Brodeur is still nursing a bruised elbow for the Devils, and is iffy for the game against Buffalo on Wednesday.
Five reasons the St. Louis Blues are shocking Western Conference - Puck Daddy
That the St. Louis Blues are in contention in the Western Conference isn't a surprise; that the St. Louis Blues are on top of the Western Conference (tied with Los Angeles in points, with a game in-hand) on Nov. 8 is a surprise.
*Editor's Note: The viewpoints expressed in this production do not represent the viewpoints of the author or any Die By The Blade editors. It's just for funsies.
We open on a boardroom - a pre-season meeting between evil owner Tom Golisano and his staff. Golisano explains that he wants the team to lose so he can re-locate to Miami in order to make more money. That's why he's keeping the same crap team that lost in the first round last year. There's only enough money in the budget to hire the worst free agents:
Golisano: Here's a list of free agents we'll be targeting this year.
Regier: I never heard of half these guys. And the ones I have heard of are way past their prime.
Ruff: Rob Niedermayer never had a prime.
Regier: (pointing to the sheet) This guy is dead.
Golisano: (nonchalantly) Cross him off then.
Cut to the start of the season. We see a montage of Buffalo bloopers. "Wild Thing" Myers knocking out his own teammate, players running into each other going for the puck, defensemen falling down behind the net, and many shots of Ruff and his coaching staff giving "Can you believe this sh*t?" looks to each other. After a few games, we cut to the locker room where Thomas Vanek has drawn some magical signs on his sticks.
Rivet: What are you doin' there, Thomas?
Vanek: Sticks. They are sick.
Rivet: So are mine, is something going around?
Vanek: No get goals. Miss net very much. Sticks are afraid. I ask Jobu to come. Take fear from sticks. I play my Thomas Vanek theme song and offer him gin. He will come.
Rivet: It may be a bad idea to leave that gin out with Roysie in the locker room.
Vanek: Is very bad to steal Jobu's gin. Very bad.
After 10 games the team is in the toilet. Rick Jeanerette tries to liven things up for the radio audience.
Jeanerette: And the Sabres lose a nailbiter tonight to Boston 5-2. But this home crowd hasn't given up on the team yet - just listen to them cheer the Sabres off the ice! Jenearette leans out of the press box and imitates cheering with Harry Neale, HSBC is dead silent as usual. As for the stats, the Sabres were badly out-hit in this game to the tune of 23-1. Wait, is that all we got, one f***ing hit?
Neale: (whispering) You can't say f*** on the air!
Jeanerette: Don't worry, nobody's listening anyway.
Can the team turn things around? Will Vanek's voodoo magic help him sore more goals? Tune in tomorrow for Act 2!